An open letter to the management of my local Kroger:
Dear Madams and Sirs,
This missive is a formal protest: On the afternoon of October 31, 2017, I walked into my local Kroger with the hopes of picking up some candy to hand out to eager children on Halloween. I noticed something odd as I walked in the door: the pumpkins that had festooned the entryway since July 4 were no longer present. There were no plastic cat skeletons or scary tombstones. That should have been my first warning.
I made my way past the floral department, chip and cereal aisles, the bread and coffee sections. I strolled toward the seasonal shelving where I can find chocolates for my sweet at Valentine’s day, or bunting for July 4th, picnic supplies for the summer months and always, ALWAYS, bags of candy for Halloween.
Something seemed odd about the general mood of the store; where there should be orange and black decorations, creepy witches or scary signs, there were none. There general dullness of the shoppers and staff were replaced with smiling people extending warm greetings to one another. A few were even humming merry tunes as I passed. I quickly realized that Bing Crosby was crooning through the speakers about something white falling from the sky.
But it didn’t hit me until I turned the corner to see shelving that only the day before was laden with tons of mini-Snickers and Hershey bars, Nerds and Reese Cups, in fact, sweets of every kind, now holding tinsel, ornaments and Christmas bobbles! Hundreds and hundreds of shiny orbs filled the shelves!
Overnight, you changed the season. And we aren’t even through October!
I stood in shock. I gaped in awe. How did this happen? How was it possible? How could I have allowed this tragedy to take place? After all, we have so many holidays yet to come before we get to Christmas! Please do not misunderstand, I am a Christmas fanatic with my own playlist on Spotify and a spreadsheet used to track my Christmas movie watchlist each year; but seriously, you, my trusted Kroger, jumped right over a few significant calendar events and I believe it is imperative to point this out. Allow me to list only a few of them for you here:
- November 1st – All Saint’s Day
- November 2nd – Deviled Eggs Day
- November 6th – Saxophone Day (also Marooned without a Compass Day)
- November 11th – Veteran’s Day
- November 15th – Clean Your Refrigerator Day
- November 23rd – Thanksgiving
- November 24th – All Our Uncles Are Monkeys Day
- November 29th – Square Dance Day
I am not trying to cut into your profit margin. I am not trying to take away any of the seasonal joy; but, it is clear to me that you’ve lost sight of what matters. I’m not sure what that is at the moment (I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with a square dance or saxophones), but I am highly discouraged that you’ve jumped past Halloween and straight to the big “C.”
And, most importantly of all, I didn’t get any Reese’s Cup candies for my Halloweening neighbors.
A Concerned Citizen