Rules for Attending Church: A view from the parking lot.

If you come to worship the Lord of the Universe please follow these simple steps to make the time more enjoyable:

1. Arrive 10 minutes late and park your minivan.

2. Dent the car next to you because you parked too far to the left.

3. Walk the poodle leaving his mess in the burm.

4. Check your red lipstick in the rear-view mirror.

5. Grab your son’s arm and roughly brush your daughters hair.

6. Make one last call from your cell phone.

7. Roll the cat hair from your pressed pants.

8. Sip from your Starbuck’s Venti Caramel Machiato

9. Lock your car from a distance with the push of a remote.

10. Check your watch.

11. Crush out your cigarette on the steps.

12. Enter the multi-million dollar facility using the North Wing Entrance.

13. Put a $10 bill in the plate as it passes by. Make sure the people around you see that you’ve given generously. This will help them know the kind of person you really are.

13. Quietly work your way down the isle when the pastor asks everyone to bow their heads for prayer so you can beat the traffic.

Have a blessed Sunday Morning.

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