At some point this year, my life changed. It started as a gradual shift from being active, engaged, social to a version of myself that is fatigued, cane-using, doctor-visiting, discouraged.
What started as gradual, raged with a vengeance and all of the sudden, my life was different. The sound of Cicadas buzzing in my ears is ever-present. My ability to walk several miles was replaced with a struggle to make it to the end of the yard and back. Daily naps and early bedtimes paired with wobbly legs and a spinning sensation. These and many other symptoms are the new normal.
All-in-all, not the way I wanted to enter my golden years.
For all the testing, all the poking and prodding, all the labs, scans, and therapies, I’m still left with less than certainty about my future. And to be honest, it’s pretty frustrating.
Dysautonomia is my current working diagnosis. It’s a disease with 15 different types and 70 million suffers world-wide. It can present with a wide range of symptoms; as many as 200 different symptoms are attributed to autonomic dysfunction. I’m grateful I’ve only experienced 30, but believe me, that’s enough, thank you.
This blog and the posts to come, are about a journey that is familiar to many and an absolute mystery to most. It’s a way for me to process my experience and get my thoughts and feelings on a page. It’s not going to be eloquent. It won’t be perfect. It’s probably going to have ups and downs. But I want it to be honest. And if someone turns it into a movie with George Clooney playing the lead roll, I’m okay with that.
But most of all, I’m hoping it can be a discussion point. I’m not looking for sympathy, that doesn’t help anyone. I’m not looking for homeopathic remedies or your cousin’s uncle’s brother’s sister’s thoughts on the matter. I’d love to hear YOUR story. What has YOUR journey been like for YOU?
When suddenly, or even slowly, everything is different, what does it mean for you?
💕
I wish I had a remedy to give you
You could be a millionaire if you could find it. Not from me of course but if all 70-million people paid you a dollar (even in Canadian) you’d be well situated.
I hate hearing this! Sending prayers!
Thank you.
I have challenged change for the past ten years. As I approach the age where folks ask “When do you plan to retire?” I push the limits of how much change Jan and I can take. Moving across the country twice, looking for the perfect place to impart what little wisdom I have to the next generation. Jan is my rock when doubt creeps in. Watching her build loving relationships with the neighbors, I see grace that may have escaped me should we have stood still. She inspires me to bring my best to my students everyday. I survive change by relying on others. Accepting their gifts. Seeing how I can improve. Still learning to love. Still learning to accept love. Challenge change by uncovering what you might not have seen otherwise.
I know things like this will come. You remind me to be thankful and not take my health for granted. My friend, you are one of the few who I know who could take this diagnosis and think of how to make the world a better place for it. Curt, you are a wonder. More visible in the light of these changes.
I am not of the religious kind but please know that thoughts of happiness, joy, and strength are sent to you from one of your oldest friends.
David, that’s just beautiful! Thank you for those kind, very wise words!