Any Idea Will Do

Dear Austin’s Acre,

I woke up the other morning with a great idea. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I got up, fixed some coffee, and wrote down the idea on paper. I called a friend of mine who was able to sell my idea for millions of dollars and now I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

I don’t know where this idea came from but I’d like more. I want to be richer and happier.

Any ideas?


Fresh Out of Ideas.

Dear Idea Man (or Woman…it is hard to tell from your penmanship (or penwomanship, whichever the case may be),

Let me begin by offering a service. In the future, should you have a brilliant idea in the middle of the night, call me. Do not wake up and make coffee and write the idea down. This might wake someone in your house and you might make people mad. Instead, pick up the bedside phone and spend time outlining the details of your idea. I will act as a filter and scribe, ensuring happiness in your home and money in my pocket. By the way, what is the number of your friend who sold your first idea?

Now, on to your question: Where did the idea come from? There are at least three possibilities.

1. Pixies. Yes, that is right. Idea Pixies. I hear many of my faithful readers (all three of you) scoffing right now. But it is a proven fact, very much like Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, that Idea Pixies visit good little boys and girls every night and whisper good ideas in their ears. How else can you explain the personal computer, silly putty, and satellite TV? Bad little boys and girls also receive whispered ideas but those are usually terrible ideas, meant as a punishment for misbehavior. Prime examples of this devilry are The Clapper, the Pocket Fisherman and the TV show ALF.

2. You have Paranoid Schizophrenia. I do not think this is the case with your idea but did you ever see A Beautiful Mind with Russel Crow? He had lots of ideas. Do you own a white oil pencil and write your ideas on your living room window? If you do, you might want to get professional help the next time the voices in your head give you some million dollar idea. But first, call me and tell me the idea. I do not have any oil pencils and I can “hold on” to your idea, just in case you end up getting some sort of treatment that keeps you tied up for a while.

3. You had an Epiphany. An epiphany is a sudden awareness. Since this is all new to you, you are probably unaware that each year around this time, people around the world start having really good ideas. It is all because of the birth of Jesus. It’s true. The church celebrates the season of Epiphany starting early January. It is a way of remembering the Wise Men who came to visit the baby Jesus (they were “aware” of his birth). If you are having good ideas, it must be due to this wonderful church celebration. But you also need to be aware that if you are Roman Catholic, the season only lasts until January 13. In truth, it is surprising so many Catholics have so many good ideas. They have a very short window of creativity. If you are raised in the Church of England, you get nearly an entire month. Their Season of Awareness runs until early February. One of the primary reasons I’m Protestant is because, for me and a few other faithful people around the world, the Epiphany Season lasts until Ash Wednesday. I get a lot of my best ideas in these first three months of the year. After that, not so much.

Of course, these are only a few of the reasons you may have received your ideal wake up call. There are many more. I can’t go into them all right here but you may also be able to credit your Million Dollar Idea to something as simple as eating late at night. Although, I would bet it is due to parasites in your brain or alien abduction. Again, if you call me we can go into greater depth on my thoughts on this matter.

Either way, it is important to cover all your bases. Say lots of prayers, keep your eyes to the skies and put out gummy bears and cheddar cheese for the Idea Pixies…just in case.

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