Congratulations Graduates!

I would like to say a word to the many high school graduates who just received your diplomas. You’ve dreamed of the day. You’ve hoped for this moment. You’ve yearned for the freedom. This is your ticket to a new, bigger, and better world. Congratulations.

Now, in the interest of fair and unbiased journalism (which this is not) I will compare and contrast (an English literature term for you who did not earn your diploma) the life in school that you were so anxious to leave with the life ahead that you are now so ready to face.

In high school, you went every day…except Holidays, Fall Break, Thanksgiving Break, Christmas Break, Spring Break, Teachers’ Prep Days, and all half days.
In the adult world, you get two weeks vacation and major holidays. You get some sick time but use it wisely. You may need your gall bladder removed and that just eats up your paid time off.

In high school, you spent roughly 1,260 hours in class each year. Over the course of a twelve-year education, this totals to 15,120 hours of class time for your small, over taxed brains.
In the adult world, you will spend nearly 2000 hours at work every year. Considering the average age of retirement will be 87.3 by the time you are eligible, you will have worked approximately 69.3 years. Assuming you get some time off for a trip to Disney world with the kids, you will have worked 138,600 hours before you get a cheap watch and a pension.

In high school, you listen to teachers and do the work they assign.
In the adult world, your listen to your boss and do the work they assign, like flipping hamburgers or cleaning the toilets at McDonald’s.

In high school, your mom and dad gave you money each week to buy an anemic meal that comes from gallon-sized tin cans.
In the adult world, you eat cold sandwiches you pack yourself (or the free lunch during your break at McDonald’s).

In high school, you spend your day shuffling from room to room every hour or so.
In the adult world, you spend your entire day in a 5 x 5 foot cubical, like veal. You are allowed out of your box during lunch and to make copies.

In high school, you attend field trips, pep rallies, sporting events, and dances.
In the adult world, you attend staff meetings, where you learn your budget has been cut, your benefits have been reduced, and you now share the 5 x 5 foot cubical with a guy everyone else calls Breezy, who eats bean burritos for lunch every day.

Congratulations. Now you are living in the adult world; unless you were smart enough to enroll in college, in which case, you have four more years (five if you stretch) of the drudgery of school. Good luck. You’ll need it.


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